The Sound of a Silent Scream
by Vanessa S. Quest
Summary: Spoilers for Novel 4, this is a hypothetical scenario based off of spoilers for the end of Novel 4. Kazuki is in the US, suddenly lengthens his trip, and his reason why? A dear John letter to Wataru! Who could accept this! Wataru sure can't. Please R&R!
1. The Sound of a Silent Scream, part 1

The Sound of a Silent Scream  
by Vanessa S. Quest

Wataru shook as he gasped, trying his hardest to regain his control over his lungs to stop hyperventilating. Counter-intuitive to these efforts came as his mind screamed at him just what the letter clutched in his fist told him, now abandoned at his feet, a silver ring with a single golden band through the center.

Kazuki Yuichi, the perfection that he is, the man Wataru had given himself to, the man who claimed to love him so much had just air-mailed his ring back in the most devastating Dear John letter ever post-marked.

As his eyes bleared over with teary drops, his chest felt tight, lungs smoldering as they insisted to keep hastening their rate, giving him less and less air as the panic-attack worsened.

No, it couldn't be true though! Why? Why would Kazuki leave him like this? Hadn't he said they'd live together? And now suddenly… Wataru had suggested, no, told Kazuki to go to the States to visit his ex-girlfriend before her operation, it was his fault because he was so proud of himself that he thought Kazuki could never 'do better' was that what his hubris had done? He thought it was just some absolute trust, and yet…

Wataru couldn't keep his feet, collapsing, he passed out, still struggling to find a way to fill his lungs.

Today had been the worst day of his life. The one bit of luck, if he could think of anything, was that at least his parents weren't home, at least no one would witness something as pathetic as his fainting.

Masanobu assaulting him with kisses seemed like nothing compared to this wound, though the attempted rape wasn't exactly a 'nothing' moment within his own life. Every bit of his skin tingled and hurt, every part of his being ached and all he could wish for would be to hear Kazuki's voice of reassurance… and yet… that would never happen again, ever… he was such a fool, he actually had been so full of himself to believe that a perfect person like Kazuki could actually love him, a nobody… a normal _guy_ like him.

To say he wasn't sure how long he was out would be an understatement, all he knew was that when he came to, no one had come home yet, and that it was at least twenty minutes later, maybe even more, after all, the sun had changed position in the sky enough for him to have noticed. With shaking hands, he gathered up the letter and discarded ring on the floor before making his way to the nearest liquor store, no tonight was not going to be a sober one at all.

In his distraught state, Wataru didn't sense Kawamura behind him as his best friend approached. Kawamura looked into the hand-basket Wataru was carrying.

"Oi, Wataru, I guess you're getting plastered tonight, huh? What happened?" Wataru jumped at the sudden sound before turning to see Kawamura, his eyes red. "…Dude, what's wrong? Your eyes look terrible, what happened?"

He shook his head, "…I… he… Kazuki… he… he left me…" Tears began to pour from his azure eyes regardless of his location in the middle of the liquor store.

"…What?" Kawamura was dumbstruck, there hadn't even been a fight as far as he knew, so then…? "Come on, I'm taking you out, the Circle's having a--"

"I can't go there either!" Wataru shook his head violently in refute, "I can't even go near Asaka! Today has been the worst day in my entire life! First Masanobu asked me out, and after I rejected him, he started to force himself on me… and then I get home only for Kazuki to have…" he choked back his sobs indiscretely, "…sent me a dear John letter, I'm going home, I'm drinking, and I'm not leaving that house until my chest stops hurting!" Wataru spun around on his heels and approached the counter, slapping the bottles down with several clinks to chime with the several bottles of assorted hard liquor, screw beer, tonight he needed to get drunk and fast, none of this nursing himself into it shit! He put the money on the counter before helping to bag, he wanted to get home and to start drinking immediately.

Kawamura was shocked, it didn't make any sense. He tried to keep pace with Wataru, to talk to him some more, but the other was too distraught even to confide in him more than that. His eyes narrowed, and what did he mean Masanobu forced himself on him?! He took out a cell-phone before dialing, first he'd call Wataru and try to convince him to let Kawamura tag along, he'd need some massive babysitting with this amount of heart-break…

"Wataru… oh thank goodness you picked up… listen, Wataru, just because he left you doesn't mean you have to be alone, I'm coming over your house now to keep you company..."

"WHAT?!"

Kawamura blinked, "Wait a second, Masanobu… why do you have Wataru's phone?!" It hit him, hard, Wataru must have dropped his phone when Masanobu had pushed himself onto the teen. "Shit… Masanobu don't you dare do what you're thinking! Leave him alone-- Hello! Damn it, are you there? He just hung up on me… shit!" Kawamura turned to leave, he had to get to Wataru's house.

Wataru sat on the floor to his room, why couldn't he make his hands stop shaking? Why couldn't he just get steady? Regain some mental balance… something? Couldn't he have some sanity? Couldn't he?! He let out a low, wispy sob as he held his ring in his hand. It burned, that ring that he had loved for so long burnt him as he clutched it, why did it hurt this much?

He buried his face into his knees, wanting to throw up and drown at the same time, he felt so vile he didn't know how to cope. Kazuki, kind to everyone honors student… he always did treat Wataru the worst, he never thought _the_ Kazuki Yuichi would be capable of something as pathetic as a Dear John letter to dump someone!

Wataru was convinced that there was an answer at the bottom of at least one of the four bottles of hard liquor he had piled about him as he took down another burning mouthful, tears making equally hot fissures down his cheeks as he binge-drank.

He heard the sound of his door open, did that mean Karin was home now? Damn it, he didn't want to deal with anyone right now!

It struck him, somewhere hard in the nether-regions in a sucker-punch, that Kazuki Shohei must be toasting to sweet, sweet success now that his darling little Yuichi was back on the path of the righteous. Wataru pushed his face into his knees to let the retching sobs escape his throat, the more he let out the noises, the more nauseous he felt, and yet somehow he didn't quite care. There wasn't anything left for him, well, not to grasp onto at the moment, he supposed that it was good that Kazuki hadn't thought to dump him on the day of the exams, maybe that was the real reasoning behind the Dear John letter? To make sure it didn't mess up his transcripts?

Wataru smiled bitterly, like he cared about a future anymore? What did he really have left? It hurt, it hurt so bad and the liquor wasn't helping to make that stop! What the hell? That's not how drinking was supposed to go…? He felt a tall shadow fall over his body before cool skin clamped down on his own.

Wataru wasn't drunk enough to really think his dear, sweet Karin could have a growth-spurt to turn her soft small hands into the calloused, gigantic hands currently wrapped around his wrists, his eyes shot wide. "…Masanobu what the hell are you doing in my house?! Get out! I don't want to see you right now!"

Masanobu pulled him to his feet, "You. You're coming with me, now."

Wataru pulled his wrist back, "No, I'm not! Get out of my house!"

Masanobu pulled Wataru to his chest before tilting his face up to kiss him. "I'm not going to leave you. I can't believe that idiot would be so foolish as to throw you away, but I'm not going to make that mistake! Wataru, be with me!"

"I _told_ you already my answer's _NO_! Now get out of my house!"

Lips crushed down onto his, sending him toppling out across the floor, Masanobu hovering over him, almost crushing him with his weight, hands still pinning Wataru's wrists. Wataru turned to his side, thrashing to get out from under Masanobu, why he was there didn't even hit him, so much as that whatever had sent this extra windfall of bad fate was really pushing it too far. He managed to free one hand before slapping Masanobu across the face, hard.

"I'm NOT her, I don't need you to rescue me! Get the hell out of my house!" Wataru panted, surprised that the loud, resounding clap of his hand contacting Masanobu's cheek stilled the older man. He was panting, Masanobu was strangely still.

"I know you aren't her, that doesn't make me love you less."

"…Get… out… Get out! What do you think it is you just tried to pull?! I didn't think you were the rapist-type! Get out before I call the cops!" Wataru panted.

"I can't do that. I'm not leaving you alone as you are now."

"I'm safer by myself than with you!" Wataru spat vehemently, he never had been the sort to have a mean-streak, but this… this was too much to just wipe his hands clean of and let bygones be bygones.

He wanted to see Kazuki so much right now, he wanted it to be a bad joke, he really, really wanted it to all be some crappy dream, no, nightmare… he wanted to wake up and be reassured that this wasn't all real, so why, just why wasn't Kazuki there?! He rolled onto his stomach to start crying and heaving, he couldn't keep it down anymore. Clamping a hand across his mouth, he rushed to the bathroom to empty out the liquor he had stored on his lithe form.

After evacuating his stomach, he curled into his chest, and closed his eyes, he didn't care what happened to him anymore, if Masanobu really did plan to rape him, screw it, he didn't care; he just wanted to sleep now.

Masanobu followed Wataru to the bathroom, the paler brunette passed out looking so pained it hurt. Straightening up the bathroom and Wataru, he finally picked him up and carried him to his bed, laying him onto the futon. He spotted a letter and familiar looking ring, reading it quickly before making a few phone calls, he loved Wataru too much to let him be hurt so deeply.

Morning came, and Wataru's head screamed, he opened his eyes to see Masanobu, his own eyes went wide, "What are you doing here?!" Last night too blurry to know what happened, Wataru found himself doing the spot-clothing check. Finding he was still in the clothes he remembered wearing the day before without any new show of tags or reversed fabric, he let out a sigh, "You didn't do anything to me… thank god…"

"…" Masanobu put his hand on Wataru's head, "We have a flight to catch to New York at four, pack your bags. We're going to track down Kazuki and find out what the hell is going on."

Wataru's mouth dropped. "…W… What?!"

Masanobu smiled, "I love you, Wataru, I'd do anything to make you happy. I hope Shohei forgives me, because I think I might just have to hit Yuichi for this, making you cry like that."

Wataru swallowed hard, what the hell was going on here?! He forced himself out of the bed before approaching his cell phone Masanobu left out for him. "First, I'm calling Kazuki and asking him just what he means by all of this…" He swallowed hard as he began to dial, fingers trembling as he pressed send.

When a woman answered, he felt the knife slice into him, "…Is… is Kazuki Yuichi there?" He looked at the phone in complete disbelief, "Tell him it's Fujii Wataru, that I need to speak with him, please."

TBC.


	2. The Feel of an Absent Sensation, part 2

Kawamura smiled at the circle, in a forced manner. "I'm sorry, I really, _really _have to go now… I swear I'll make it up to you later."

"Hey now, Junior, you had to bail last time because of exams, we're not letting you off the hook so easily this time. Come on, Kawamura, you said you'd come!"

Sweat caked his forehead as he was pulled to the car. He took out his cell phone, "Let me just make one quick call then." He dialed frantically, "Please pick up."

After several rings, it went over to the voice-mail, "Karin-chan! It's Kawamura, this is very, very important! You have to go home to check on Wataru, it's going to take me too long to get back to him but I can't back out of this… Text me when you get this." He hung up, devastated that he wasn't able to talk his way out of this, it wasn't exactly like he could explain the situation though.

-.-.-

Wataru felt his loss of words as he heard the gentle feminine tone in the receiver, the way she said in English what he was pretty sure translated to 'Come back to bed once you're done with your call' to Kazuki. He swallowed hard. Did that mean come or go back to bed? He suddenly wished he paid more attention in Suzuki-sensei's classes.

"K… Kazuki, are you there?"

"Wataru? Do you have any idea what time it is over here?"

Wataru felt his chest tighten at the caustic tone, "Ah… uh, no, sorry I didn't realize it was late, what time is it over there?" He chocked up all of his strength to keep his voice from quivering. "Ah, I, uh… I got the package, but I'm not sure what you meant by it… I mean, you sent back the ring… and then said that…"

"It's 1 in the morning here, Wataru. That's what time it is, listen, let's not talk about this now. Don't call back here, if you can't even figure out the time differences, really…" Static began to cut in on the conversation.

"K… Kazuki? I can't hear you, I'm getting static…"

"…I'll just… …ll you… …over there… bye."

Wataru's hand trembled as the line disconnected, he looked at his phone, spotting the time stamp, not even three minutes, one of which had been spent waiting for him to even get the phone, and with the connection being as horrible as it was, calling back wouldn't even help clarify things. He turned to face Masanobu he let his head bow down in some form of defeat.

"He just told me 'I'll just tell you then, it's over, there, bye' and then he hung up." He took out the ring squeezing it in his hand, "How can he end it like that? What? Am I only good enough to be a replacement for people?!" He balled his fists tighter, even more upset now that he heard the words. No, 

the written letter was surreal, and could have been a misunderstanding, but to be dumped not once but twice in under 24 hours… He sat down indignantly on the floor, his hands holding his face.

"The flight leaves at 16:00. Pack enough for three days." Masanobu reminded him, "I'll call Shohei and ask him where Yuichi's staying."

"Why?" Wataru wasn't sure if he was asking why should he bother, after all, Kazuki was known for being stubborn and if that's really what he wanted, nothing would change it, or maybe he was asking why Masanobu still wanted to do this for him, or maybe still it was both?

"Because you deserve better than that, obviously."

"You understand I just can't return your feelings, don't you?" Wataru looked at him, a bit closer to despondent.

"Maybe not yet, but what can I say? I'm an optimist, I'm sure you'll come around eventually."

Wataru slowly forced himself to his feet, his legs felt a bit rubbery, reminding him of his exercises yesterday with alcohol, "I'll write a note then. I just need twenty minutes to pack."

"Okay, we'll leave after that."

Grabbing a gym bag, Wataru made quick work shoving in several clean shirts and shorts, a pair of jeans and socks and shoes, hairbrush, toiletries, the letter and rings, all of this in under five minutes. He went into the bathroom in order to take a shower, and five minutes later came out slightly refreshed, pulling on an extra hoody before scrawling a note to Karin saying he was going on a trip for a few days, to go 'camping' with some friends.

Putting the pen down and attaching the note to the fridge, he walked to the front door, bumping into Karin as she fished her phone out of her pocketbook. "Wataru-nii! There you are… Kawamura called me frantic, last night… what's wrong?" She looked at him, his eyes puffy and red from crying. "Wataru-nii?"

"…Listen, Karin, I'm going out camping, I left a note with the details, don't try to get in touch."

"Wow, that's suspicious." She narrowed her brow, "So where are you really going?"

"…Karin, Kazuki dumped me, I'm going out camping, don't try to get in touch with me. I'll be back in under a week, I have to go though. Bye…" He left before she could stammer out what she was thinking, as twenty thoughts had hit her simultaneously.

"W… Are you sure Wataru-nii? I mean, why would he… and without provocation… it makes no sense, niisan! Don't just leave, tell me what happened!"

The door shut and she knew she had lost the rites to that story, well, from Wataru at least. She took out her cell phone and dialed a certain silver-smith, like hell she wasn't going to get the dirt on this!

-.-.-

Masanobu opened the trunk letting Wataru toss his bag in back, "I have to pack some things, it won't take me long either. After that, we'll head over to the airport. I still need to call Shohei, too."

"Right. I'm sure he's in a great mood right about now." Wataru let out, bitterly, surprised at himself for speaking of it aloud.

"Eh?"

Cat already out of the bag, it wasn't much use to try to fight to put it back in, "Well, from the beginning, he wanted you to seduce me away from his trophy Yuichi, so when he finds out that Kazuki dumped me, and it wasn't even because you have to 'gay it up' I'm sure he'll be thrilled! I swear, he must be so happy to get me out of his life."

"I don't think you really understand his position, Wataru. I mean, he's straight, and he tries to be tolerant, but it isn't easy for him. This sort of thing is a different world to him."

"Like that matters to me, it just proves I'm really not meant to be in that kind of _world_. I never should have gotten involved with perfect people like Kazuki in the first place…" He hugged his knees, trying to coax his eyes to stay dry, "I mean, look at me, I'm a complete mess and even his delivery was perfectly smooth when he dumped me. I could never compete with someone like that! If I never switched rings with him, do you know how different my life would be? I'd still think I was straight, I'd have applied to schools all over Japan, and I'd never had to have deal with this sort of stuff! But no, he ropes me into some relationship he convinced me he was so head-over-heels for… and it sounded suspicious, I mean why would anyone like _that_ want someone like _this_?" His hand waved in a sweeping motion his torso as he continued his rant, "And it was all some stupid lie anyways! He just saw her in me, or maybe I'm still being too full of myself, maybe I just have some puppy-dog look to me that makes people want to _pet_ me."

Wataru looked at Masanobu knowing full well how much he wanted to play with him too. He hated it, they never really saw him did they? Worse still, he was a supplement for a woman in each case, here they are, two of those perfect people and neither of them wanted to find a woman out of the droves who would happily be a fill-in, but had to choose him to give up his own gender and sex to be their girl… he really could have gone on thinking he was straight, maybe he really would have been, without Kazuki to awaken that sort of desire, now though, the thought of sex was permanently engrained with that tenderness of being taken, he didn't think he'd ever be the 'man' in the relationship again.

Biting his lip, he didn't want to think anymore, couldn't this just be the joke now? Couldn't Kazuki just walk out from behind the curtain and smirk, say something like, 'I knew you were crazy about me' have make-up sex and be done with it?

"Why can't normal people just choose to like me? I'm so tired of all these high-maintenance demands, all the targets on my back… can't I just be normal again?" He let out a sigh, none of this really changed things, he still knew he still loved Kazuki, even with how much this hurt, did Kazuki dump him because he isn't a girl though? Or maybe he displeased him somehow? Did he gain too much weight when he 

was studying? Everyone insisted he was skinny, and made girls jealous, but he thought Kazuki liked how petite he was? Had that last growth-spurt ruined it for him? Kazuki was still taller than him, plenty, though! He ruffled his own hair angrily, he really was too stupid to figure out something like this.

"…Ne, Masanobu, why do you think he left me? Do you think he really did it just because she's a girl, or maybe because he loves her so much more… I thought you said we loved each other too much, though, so… how could he love someone else more? I really am no good." His hand wiped down his face, he felt distinct absence of the metal ring, suddenly feeling even more despairing.

Masanobu pulled up to his driveway, quickly making his way into the house before grabbing his stuff.

Wataru looked at his naked finger before thinking back to high school, the year before. Karin had told him, reminded him, of how he used to hate sharing things. Now looking at the naked flesh he knew he wasn't forced to share that… that it was truly his and his alone, that cherished feeling of something given up upon, the absence of that feeling was also his alone. His alone, while Kazuki got to experience that over and over and over again in bed with that woman, some_one_ he had given up upon finally back, reciprocating those feelings, so all that was left for Wataru was that feeling of abandon.

-.-.-

Karin stood in front of an elaborate counter, beneath the glass several pieces of molded and carved silver and gold, and yet her attention was locked onto the flap of curtain to the back and the treasure of knowledge, a heavier package than anything else in this shop.

"I'm sorry to barge in here with such a personal matter, and to make you butt in, no less… but, you're the only person I know who would have any idea of what's going on. I would like to confront Kazuki directly, but it isn't something I can do so easily, with him in New York."

"I understand, unfortunately, I don't know anything about this development either. I'll call him in a few hours when they should be awake."

"Could you tell me about the woman he's with?" Karin had started cautiously.

"She's 8 years older than him, she is his first love; however, I find it hard to believe that Kazuki would be so fickle to abandon the love he has now just because she has the potential to get better. They didn't break up because of that reason, well, not solely that reason."

"I can't believe someone like Kazuki would truly cheat on Wataru-nii, either, it makes me think there is a misunderstanding, but, with how upset he looked, I just can't think it's something so simple."

Fixing her brown hair, Kazuki's cousin smiled, "You know, to tell the truth, I'm much fonder of Wataru with my Yuichi. I think his personality suits him better than hers, though I'm certain Shohei would disagree." She watched the clock, it read 17:00, in another few hours she would be able to call and check on this situation. "Karin-chan, we close at 7 PM, tonight, come back then and I'll call him."

"Thank you so much!"

She smiled, "Don't mention it."

-.-.-

Shohei's eyebrow rose, that was the second call he'd received about Yuichi within the past two hours, he picked up the phone, whatever Yuichi was up to, he planned to find out. He glanced at the time, "Hmm, it's 5 AM in New York, he should wake up early, anyways." He picked up the phone and dialed.

Yuichi flung his arm searching for the phone in petty annoyance, really, was he condemned to getting under three hours of sleep at a time? He looked at the phone, "What the hell do you want Shohei! It's…"

"--Five in the morning, and time for good academics to wake up to study, anyways. You've become even more popular in the circuits today; first Asaka then that busy-body Touko, honestly."

"What did they want?" Yuichi wiped his face, slipping on his house-shoes before moving into the kitchen, might as well make breakfast not anyways.

"Asaka wanted to know where you were staying, Touko wanted to know if I heard why you left Wataru. Congrats! You finally realized I was right…"

"Why I WHAT?!" Yuichi squashed his voice a moment later, "When the hell did I do that?!"

"Eh? I thought that with you in New York with your 'ex' lover playing nurse, myself, was when you left him. Apparently, Touko wasn't the only one curious about it, his kid sister was asking about it."

Yuichi's eyebrow twitched. "I don't have time to deal with you and your pranks, Shohei, I'm hanging up."

"Don't bother trying to call Wataru, Asaka told me he was with him." He smirked, knowing perfectly well why.

Yuichi glared through the phone before hanging up anyways, dialing the brunette immediately. "…" As the phone rang, he chanted, "Come on, pick up the phone…"

It turned over to voice mail, "Hey! Wataru, I need to talk to you, give me a call back when you get this message…" Yuichi started until he heard the dreaded message.

"…'s voicemail box is full… Have a good day." The disconnecting click made his heart wince. He wasn't about to call Shohei, and Touko wouldn't have any answers, that only left one other person to try. He dialed Masanobu.

"Masanobu! Answer your damn phone! I know you get better coverage than that…" Yuichi hissed as he was diverted straight to voice mail. He hung up before trying to remember the call Wataru had made that morning to him. He had said something about getting the package but not understanding what it meant, it was plain as day what it meant! It should have been idiot-proof, after all, _the_ Kazuki Yuichi was the author to the letter. Then what else was mentioned, he remembered telling him it was late…

"_Don't call back here, if you can't even figure out the time differences_…"

He had said that, didn't he? But that didn't mean let's break up! Really, how could that get confused…? He remembered, suddenly, what Wataru had asked, it hadn't hit him when he had been awakened from his sleep! Wataru's tone, Wataru's voice had wavered when he asked about it… By that point, Wataru already thought he had dumped him and he told him not to call back…

His eyes went wide, suddenly the idea that Wataru was all alone with Masanobu made him _very_ angry.

He heard his phone ring and quickly picked up, "Hello? Masanobu? Is Wataru with you?!"

"We're landing at the Newark airport at 1 this afternoon, you should probably pick us up unless you want us to show up at the door."

"Us? Is Wataru with you?"

"Yeah. He is. We're in San Francisco right now, while the plane's refueling I decided to check my calls. He's getting something for his hangover. I really can't believe you, a dear-John letter? I thought you were better than that!"

"A what?" Kazuki looked at the phone incredulously, "When did I ever…"

"Anyways, I have to go, we're bordering again. Remember, 1 PM Newark, we'll be at gate C7." Masanobu hung up leaving Yuichi gaping, looking remarkably similar to a goldfish.

TBC.


	3. The Sight of a Blank Page, part 3

Loading onto the plane, Wataru continued to move the rings about in his hand. He unfolded the typed letter to read it, over and over again hoping he could misinterpret it, maybe he had a typo, or a kanji symbol had a completely different meaning and he just didn't… he sighed knowing that was pointless, it was clear as day how much of a break-up statement the letter was.

_Wataru,_

_I'm going to remain in the states a bit longer. I'm needed here and I love her too much to abandon her. I know you understand. Enclosed you'll find your ring, I don't need it anymore, its over between us, let's break up._

_ Kazuki_

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He crumpled the letter in his clenched fist, he hated these feelings, and the pounding head really wasn't making this day any better. He grumbled at his fate of being the type to get hangovers, it really was a painful destiny.

-.-.-

Kazuki turned to spot Mizuho near the kitchen doorway, her pale skin so fair it practically seemed illuminated, reminding him of the soft moonlight. "Mizuho-san, you didn't… do anything did you?" He narrowed his eyes, it was strange to be suspicious of her, and yet, he had a feeling something was off.

"I just woke up myself." She smiled, closing her eyes as she grinned at him warmly. "You're still handy in the kitchen I see, so what are you going to make?"

"…An American breakfast of pancakes and fruit, you shouldn't eat anything too fatty." He mentioned, thinking about cholesterol warnings and heart disease, though her heart problems were hardly affiliated.

"I see. Why thank you for your concern. So, who were you talking to?"

Kazuki let out a breath, "Just a colleague from Japan, about a project."

"Don't tell me that project's more important to you than I am?" She gave just the right amount of guilt that said it was playful, and not the despicable clingy sort that would drive him insane if he honestly had to deal with daily.

"No, no that isn't… I want you to get better as soon as possible, but I don't think I can stay here indefinitely, things are piling up and I need to go back to Japan soon."

She smiled, "I understand, after all, you have your boyfriend to get back to."

Kazuki's eyes shot wide as he gawked at her, he hadn't told her, so who?!

"Oh don't look so surprised, I've known for a while, though I really wish you'd come around I suppose it's my fault as the older woman that set the bar too high for other girls. Is that it?" She smiled sadly, 

"Though I really doubt it would work out between the two of you. Think about it, you need someone with just enough of a feminine edge to cut through your hard exterior and care for you when you need it. You're too manly to go without that."

Kazuki gave her an almost dirty look, "Mizuho-san, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh? I don't? And what if this Wataru guy decides to leave you? I know it seems almost completely unheard of, but what if he tries to break your heart? Would you stay gay? It really is a waste, someone as perfect as you are. You should just come to your senses."

"…How did you know his name, Mizuho-san? You could have weaseled it out of Shohei that I was dating someone but he'd never have told you his name!" He narrowed his eyes.

Mizuho swallowed a painkiller, some derivative of morphine. "Because I saw that letter, I can't believe you want to move in with him."

"…You saw my letter? How did you see it? I had it sealed and ready to mail…"

"I was curious who this Fujii Wataru was, after I saw the address."

Kazuki sighed out in relief, at least she didn't read the contents, that would be too much of an invasion of privacy…

"…I was most shocked to see you wanted to move in with him."

His mouth dropped, "You- you opened it? That really is unbelievable!"

The corners of her lips dropped, "I love you, still, after all this time."

"And I care for you, too, but I love Wataru! He's the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with!"

"And I'm telling you that's a mistake!" She held her chest knowing better than to let herself get so worked up, "He's no good for you."

"You don't even know him, I don't want to hear this kind of thing from someone with no idea of the situation." He narrowed his eyes, "Wait, you didn't change the contents of the package, did you?" He could feel his brow wrinkle. "When I sent out the letter it was the same envelope."

"It's called a blow-dryer honey. I did. I'm not going to lose you to a younger _man_. I'm sorry for such an underhanded tactic but, well it's your fault too, for making me feel so strongly for you."

Kazuki swallowed hard, "Mizuho, this is very important, so listen carefully… I only came here on his insistence, do you get it? I've moved on, I love Wataru, he's my world and I don't care what anyone else says about it. Now, tell me exactly what you wrote in that letter or so help me I'll never speak to you again!"

She bowed her head as she recited the letter, verbatim. "I only changed it a little, see, but I did wind up typing it."

Kazuki's jaw dropped, he turned off the stove before grabbing his jacket and leaving the apartment. "I'll be back later, but I can't even be in the same room as you, right now!" He picked up his cell phone and keys before making a few calls, including one to Karin hoping she'd get in contact with Wataru if he was unable to.

"Karin! Thank goodness, listen, I'm not able to talk long. When did Wataru get on the flight?" He knew Masanobu had no real reason to lie to him about when to pick him up, and yet he wasn't sure that such a short flight between California and New York could take up 8 hours.

"WHAT?! He told me he was going camping after you dumped him! Oh my gosh I'm going to… that's it! He's getting onions until he moves out!" Karin glared at the phone, suddenly aware of her golden opportunity, "Why did you do it, anyway?"

"It… it's all a big misunderstanding and a horrible prank." He paused before speaking next, "Don't be too hard on him, I'm the one at fault for this. Karin, can you call him? I'm going to try to get in touch with him too, but I don't know how successful that will be."

"Alright… Kazuki-nii-san, he really was upset, he left with Masanobu-san around one, though, if that helps."

"Thank you, Karin."

She smiled, Kazuki could tell from the phone.

"I'm just happy you're going to make up, I don't want to deal with a devastated Wataru again, and from the count of liquor bottles in his room he was really upset." She continued, "Oh, but this is costing you a fortune, I'll let you go. Bye Kazuki-nii-san."

Kazuki hung up after shooting off a quick goodbye, himself.

Thinking back to the letter, he realized that it explained the confusion Wataru must have felt, he could imagine that hurt look on Wataru's face to go with the quivering voice and it cut into him like knives, the thought that he was hurt so badly that he'd even rely upon someone like Masanobu and worse still that it was his fault for not noticing that the letter was tampered with.

He had wondered how his real letter turned into a Dear John letter. After all, asking someone to exchange vows was hardly grounds for a break-up.

_Wataru,_

_I'm going to remain in the states a bit longer. I'm needed here and I cannot bear to abandon her like that, I know you understand. Enclosed you'll find your ring, I want to get you a new one when I _

_return, one with a new feeling to it, lets move in together when this is all over with. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you._

_ Kazuki_

He rubbed his forehead, "Wataru…" The idea that he was with Masanobu, that pushy bastard, it was the worst! Especially with Wataru distraught, what if he decided to do something stupid? The thought that someone else could have him, in that special way, pissed him off to no ends. He looked at the city-block in his view, right, right now he had to get a plan together. He needed flowers, chocolates, and any other thing a romantic novel could suggest for how to make Wataru forgive him for such a faux pas as that. Reservations and apology cards would be a bit more difficult to get then just going to a florist, so he began making several calls before calling a car-rental number.

-.-.-

Wataru found himself staring out the window the entire flight to hide those stubborn tears that just wouldn't quite falling, that and to avoid eye-contact with a certain somebody who loved Wataru's crying face.

Masanobu was molesting him in the backs of those brown eyes, he could feel it, and it made his skin crawl. Sure, even if it truly was over, which each time he read the letter made him think more and more that yes, Kazuki really did mean it and it was really over, the idea of being with Masanobu still seemed wrong.

He had no prospectively normal people in his life that claimed some strange fascination with him, the last three people who loved him included the three most popular people in their class, though one was female he still couldn't even think of dating Miho or Asaka.

He wiped his eyes for the umpteenth time as a stewardess handed him a warm towel. "Thank you…" He said in Japanese before correcting himself and saying what he thought it was in English. "Please."

Masanobu looked at him then her, "Ah, he meant to say thank you, he's still tired from the flight." He smiled at the woman as she smiled at him.

"Oh I see. Your welcome." She bowed her head slightly before going back to the cabin.

"We'll land soon, in another hour or so. We lucked out that they changed the flight schedule to an earlier time, we should get there by ten."

Wataru merely nodded once, not all that impressed, "Did you get in touch with Kazuki?"

"Yeah, before we got on, Yuichi's expecting us there at one, though. He seemed surprised saying he called me." Masanobu laughed a bit at that, "Maybe he's jealous that we're dating already."

"We AREN'T dating! Honestly, Masanobu you're taking it too far!" Wataru complained he blushed, but thought to himself that he was glad most Americans didn't speak Japanese, and the ones that did 

probably spoke it as well as he spoke English, minus the few fluent speakers he could run in at oh, a school or Asian community. With that, he realized he was boned if he got separated from Masanobu who had absolutely no problems communicating back and forth between him and the stewardesses.

Sighing, Wataru watched the changing landscape, he really should be nicer to Masanobu, something like this wasn't cheap, not even close… and he did it like it was nothing just for Wataru. Wataru turned to face Masanobu, "I'm really grateful for everything you're doing, you know that right Masanobu?"

Masanobu threw that handsome smile at him, appreciating being appreciated apparently.

Wataru blushed, he wished he could love him, if everything really truly was over between he and Kazuki, and yet, he knew that wouldn't happen. He didn't think of him like that, that and the idea of dating someone so similar so soon after made his heart pang. He couldn't do something like that to himself so soon, and what if history repeated itself? He couldn't take this sort of rejection.

He took the letter back out to read it again, when he became a masochist, Wataru wasn't sure, but he obviously had made the transformation because doing this sort of torture was the only thing keeping him sane, hearing Kazuki's voice in his head as he imagined him narrating the letter. It did and didn't seem like Kazuki at the same moment.

"How are you holding up, Wataru?"

Wataru bowed his head, "This isn't easy, I have to admit. I'm still pretty shocked and what I can feel just… hurts, it hurts so bad and I can't understand it." He turned from the letter to look at Masanobu, tears brimming his eyes, but he seemed to have them under just enough control to stop spilling them at this point.

"I'd never hurt you like this. I want you to know that, so if you decide to leave him for good, you know I'm here alright?"

"If I leave him? Masanobu, he's the one who left me…"

"Ah, that is true, but you see, just because he cut himself free from the heartstrings that held you two together doesn't mean your heart has let go of the cord that tethered you to his. You're still so busy clutching at it that I feel sad, I can see the pain in your eyes, no your whole aura."

Swallowing back, Wataru smiled, sadly, "Thank you so much for your friendship, Masanobu. I'm actually surprised by just how much help you are while I'm going through this. I wish you'd find someone who can love you properly, as you deserve."

"I can wait." He looked at Wataru, squeezing his hand, knowing full well who he planned to wait for.

The familiar ding came immediately precursing the announcement, "Attention passengers, please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. We will be landing in Newark, New Jersey in another few moments. Please put your trays back in the upright position and secure your personal bags in the overhead compartments, and as always, thank you for traveling with Delta today…"

"She said to buckle your seatbelt and put your tray up." Masanobu explained, Wataru was impressed at how fluent he was in spoken English.

"You're amazing, you understood all of that just now?"

"Well, I caught most of it, but that's the same any time a plane starts to land. You _have_ flown before haven't you?"

"Ah, uh, yeah, with Kazuki that one time when we went to Osaka." Wataru said in a far-away voice as he remembered that dream vacation, it was strangely comforting, however the pain of it being a now distant memory did wonders for making his stomach wrench, twisting on itself with that overwhelming anxiety that it really might be that one time, and never ever again. He paled for a moment, skin becoming clammy as that anxious feeling washed over him.

"Hey, Wataru are you alright? You look like you're going to pass out… I didn't say anything when you skimped out on the in-flight dinner, but have you eaten anything at all today?"

"It's just jetlag." Wataru justified, "I'm just tired."

Masanobu gave him a look that told him he absolutely didn't buy that excuse, "…" His brown eyes locked onto Wataru's beautiful azure eyes, "Right, then, when we land I'm treating you to an iced coffee and cake."

"…I'm not really in the mood…"

"Nonsense, you have a sweet-tooth, don't you? If you aren't _in_ the mood for it, we'll just have to put you into one."

"You don't have to worry about me, Masanobu."

He smiled secretively, "Of course I do, do you see how fragile you look right now?" He put his hand on Wataru's hair before ruffling it. "Just let me spoil you a bit, let me cheer you up as much as I can, I can do that much for you can't I? As a friend, that is?"

Wataru smiled, "As a friend? Yeah, uh I guess, if it's as a friend. Thanks Masanobu."

"No problem." The plane made contact with the pavement, the landing jerking the people in its body as it slowed gradually to a perfect halt. The seatbelt sign went off and the boarding sign flipped on informing the passengers that they were cleared to exit.

Wataru undid his seatbelt then took down his bag, it was sized small enough to be deemed a carry-on meaning he didn't have to risk luggage racks or put up with any real difficulties with claiming his bag in a massive airport.

Masanobu grabbed his bag as well from the overhead compartment before flinging it over his shoulder and walking down the narrow walkway in procession with the other passengers as they scurried out of their seats and out the corridor back to the terminal.

"So, let's grab something to eat from the Starbucks then come back over here to wait for Yuichi, knowing him he'll be here early."

"Wait, what do you mean? You called him?"

"I mentioned it on the plane, you must have been zoning out. He's supposed to pick us up, I'm sure he'll show even if he doesn't want to, I told Shohei too." He smiled, a bit smug knowing that Yuichi would never risk his image by seeming irresponsible, especially if there were witnesses. He just wasn't the type.

"Oh… I see… maybe we should just skip the--"

"You need to eat, I don't want to be accused of starving you when we get back from _camping_."

Wataru blushed, "Alright, thanks again."

"Not at all." After all, it did serve his ulterior motives, though he doubted he'd use something like this as a catalyst to get Wataru into the sac with him, unless he was sure he could convince the brunette to date him that way. He'd never cheapen his feelings to be some rebound fling, he knew he wanted more than that and didn't want to scare off Wataru with his real emotions. That's why it was important to get the break-up nice and clear in his mind, if this was half-felt he wouldn't be able to move on, and that would just be cruel to all parties involved.

Wataru touched his head before leaning against the extended wall bridging the plane to the terminal.

"Hey, do you need to sit down? You aren't getting motion sickness are you? Or is this your hangover…?"

Wataru shook his head, which of course made the room spin. "I just need a few moments, I'm just feeling a bit dizzy."

"When _was_ the last time you ate?"

"Last night…"

"I don't mean liquor." Masanobu adjusted.

"…Oh, well then," Wataru counted on his fingers back some hours more than that, "Before you and I had spoken, so about noon yesterday."

Masanobu gawked, "Someone as skinny as you can't go skipping meals like that! It isn't healthy at all…"

"I do it all the time, especially when I'm stressed… don't worry about it."

Wataru brought his face back up, smiling with squinting eyes.

"Yeah, alright… iced coffee and sweets coming right up," Masanobu directed as he led Wataru to the seating area before moving toward the café. "Just wait here and try to catch your bearings."

"Right, ah, thanks." Wataru lowered his hand in his face, pulling up the hood to his hoody to block out some of the sunlight, right about now he would have been asleep in bed, or about to go to sleep. He looked at his watch which told him in Japan it was 22:00, or 10 PM, however here in New Jersey it really just made it 10 AM, mid-morning with plenty of time to start the rest of his day. "I really should have slept on the plane, damn." He breathed out, leaning his back over his thighs clutching his hands as he watched the floor, finding support for his weight on his knees.

He didn't notice the head whip about looking for the source of the Japanese and familiar voice. He didn't notice a lot of things, actually, because he was too busy fighting off the urges to sleep and cry as all he could think of now, here so close to his beloved Kazuki, that Kazuki Yuichi, the love of his life didn't love him back anymore.

It made sense, didn't it? After all, he was the one he always treated so differently, coldly in fact at times. He still wasn't even really given permission to call him Yuichi, either! They had _had_ sex and even after that he wasn't permitted to use his first name! Ever since the fiasco in the Juniors' Water Closet in school, he never broached the topic knowing just how condescending the response he'd get would be. Something like 'You can call me _Sir_ Kazuki.' Who the hell would call a sempai -sama? It was complete bullshit!

He groaned miserably, he could feel the crowd buzzing, he saw feet shuffling back and forth, one person made rounds a few times before stopping to sit down at the end of the row in front of his, closest to the docking area.

Masanobu returned with the coffees and sweets putting a bag and an iced-coffee in Wataru's two hands. In English he said in a sing-song voice, "Good morning Sun-Shine. Eat up."

Looking up at him groggily, Wataru tried to decipher what he had heard, he knew there was a salutation in there, something about the weather and then eat up. "It's sunny outside? Well, good, it didn't look like rain." Wataru said, in perfect Japanese.

Kazuki's head whipped around to spot the two.

"Masanobu! Wataru!"

Wataru's eyes went wide, his appetite yet again squelched.

"What the hell do you think you two are doing, traipsing across the globe, to America no less…" His eyes softened as they landed on Wataru. "You look like a couple doing that. That totally pisses me off." Kazuki muttered the last sentence before approaching Wataru to put his hand on his cheek.

Wataru swatted the hand away, "Y… you! I can go where I please, you know!" His lip quivered as his hands began to shake with a surge of adrenalin driving him. Thrusting his hand into his pocket he quickly pulled out two rings and a letter. "I wondered what I'd say when I saw you, would I do something like plead for you back, or just get angry, it still hurts too much to even see you though."

"Wataru before you say anything you might regret, I have to tell you something--" Kazuki began.

"No! I burdened Masanobu so much just to come out here so you couldn't just hang up on me! Being dumped twice like that, I get it, you think I'm pathetic don't you? But…"

"Twice? What the hell do you mean? I didn't even do that once…"

"Oh? Are you forgetting the conversation from yesterday… er… today… whatever, from the phone!" Wataru muttered about time-changing and date changes, Japan being ahead of the world when the say shifted and all… "You told me, and I quote, 'I'll just tell you then, it's over, there, bye' then you hung up!"

"Wataru, are you an idiot or what?" He said in his usual soft tone, "That isn't what I said at all! I remember it perfectly, you started complaining about the static, I said 'I'll just _call_ you over there later, bye,' verbatim."

"You're a liar! I heard you, why are you denying it now? What next you going to deny writing this? Does it make you feel cool…" Clutching the letter he stopped mid-rant, shook his head and shoved the letter back into his pocket, "No, no I don't even need to hear it. I came to return something to you. Stick out your hand!"

Kazuki blinked, hand unmoving, Wataru grabbed his right hand and pulled it out. He put the rings back into Kazuki's hand.

"Karin used to always tell me how much I hated to share, she was right too… but I didn't mind sharing my ring with you, because you told me those feelings were the same… but they aren't anymore, you said so yourself in the letter. So, you keep them! You found out that feeling again, about getting something back you gave up on…" Wataru's eyes watered, "…Just looking at this ring pains me too much, so you should be the one to have them… I just can't believe _you_ would do something so horrible, but I guess Shohei's thrilled now, good for you. If your running joke's over I'll be headed back to _my_ life. Meeting you has been the worst experience in my whole life! You've ruined me for everything!" Wataru's voice reverberated through the thinning crowds as he screamed, less discretely, like he cared, no one understood Japanese anyways, and if they did like he had a reason to care, he'd never see them again.

Kazuki was a bit taken aback, "…You still go with the extremes, huh. It must have really pissed you off." Kazuki quickly scanned the crowd before pulling Wataru into his arms, "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, but you have to believe me, I'd never do something so uncool as a Dear-John letter! Give me more credit than that."

Wataru pushed Kazuki back, away from him, "How dare you! How stupid do you think I really am?! I have it right here, proof to how uncool you really are, you jerk!" He panted, the tears starting to trickle down, everywhere Kazuki had touched had sparked, turning to a broiling heat that normally would have been a welcome element now burnt him worse than hot coals. He pulled the letter out.

"I know what it says but that isn't the letter I wrote."

"That is the most bullshit excuse I've ever heard!" Wataru glared, then looked at Masanobu feeling a bit uncomfortable, suddenly. Didn't he want this all to be explained away like this? So why did it feel so artificial? Like Kazuki was mocking him, even, "So, are you fucking her? Is that it?" The words were out of his mouth before his brain could put it on filter.

Eyes widening for a moment, Kazuki sighed then let his face relax, "You know, there's a quicker way to work this out, both of you, come with me."

"Why should I go anywhere with you?" Wataru said, still heatedly, but no longer screaming, now calm enough to at least not do that. "I could have realized I was nothing but a joke to you in the beginning, but when you lied about that postcard I _should_ have realized." Wataru turned away, "Are you happy? You've hurt me, so laugh it up you jerk! Ha-Ha-Ha! Isn't your joke with mocking my life just _hilarious_!" The more 'funny' the joke became, the harder the tears poured down.

Masanobu, who had been listening patiently to both sides finally grabbed Wataru's wrist, "Come on, we're out of here." Kazuki opened his mouth to protest before Masanobu added with the tugged along Wataru walking behind him, "So where did you park?"

"But I don't want to _go _with him!"

"Yes, you do. You're just being stubborn, and if I let you leave it as is, you really will be miserable. Come on."

"I don't get you at all, Masanobu! Just the other day you were forcing yourself on me, now you're trying to force me onto Kazuki who obviously doesn't want to be near me--"

"It might be obvious to you, but I don't see it at all."

"Wait, you what?!" Kazuki looked back and forth at the exchange before glaring at Masanobu.

"Not now, honey, remember I'm trying to help you, here. Now get your car."

Clenching his fists, Kazuki took the lead before heading to his rented car. Opening the passenger door, he glared as Masanobu then looked at Wataru more gently. "Here, get in."

-.-.-

After the most awkward, silent car ride in the history of ever, Kazuki pulled into a spot near the sidewalk, parallel parking perfectly.

"Wataru, the letter I really wrote… it wasn't typed. It was hand written. Mizuho decided to pull a very nasty stunt, she opened the letter, and after reading it she redid the letter and put it back into the envelope. Because of it, however, she now knows about us. She knew I was asking you to move in with me and she got jealous, so jealous that she wrote the letter you're holding."

"Why are you lying about that!" Wataru fumed.

"Why would I lie about it? If I really did want to break up, do you think I couldn't do it to your face, man to man? Sure, you'd probably punch or slap me again, but it's not like I can't take it. Wataru, I'll tell you about what the letter really said once we're alone and you've calmed down, but I'll have her tell you the truth, please don't frazzle her though, just remember her weak composition." Kazuki sighed, "The sad thing about this, I can't get mad at her, well… not too mad, I understand that she'd normally never act like it, but the pain-killers she's on makes her a bit… loopy."

Wataru's eyes watered, something about this all was starting to change his balance, it felt like, as Kazuki spoke, maybe- _just_ maybe- he was really telling the truth. He wanted to believe it, but after that blow he received it was hard to buy into, his own confidence shattered.

"How do you think you did on your exams, anyway? I haven't gotten to talk to you since you took them long enough to find out…"

"…" Wataru stared at him, more blankly than hostile, "I don't want to complicate this further. Just tell me what you plan on telling me, then maybe we'll talk about it later."

"Oh, good, you're calming down now. We can head in then." Kazuki unlocked the child-safety locks, allowing Wataru to shove the door open and slip out of it.

"You fight dirty, you know that?" Wataru complained.

"By the way, Masanobu, how much were the tickets?" Kazuki gave him a serious look.

Smiling in the way familiar to an adult handling an irrational, immature child, though he was over-exaggerating it intentionally he said, "Don't worry about it, it was a gift for Wataru."

Kazuki's eyebrow twitched, that was exactly _why_ he was worrying about it. "Well saying you insist on burning that much money, you must be fine. Whatever then, thanks."

Happily, Kazuki managed to turn the tables and seem equally mature. Wataru looked at the building, his pale skin seemed to tinge pink with a soft blush. Having to entertain the attentions of such ostentatious people really was a bit much at times.

Kazuki unlocked the front door before leading them inside and up to the elevator to go up the two stories. Normally he would take the stairs, but, the others were carrying bags. "Wataru, are you hungry? You don't seem as energetic as usual."

"Oh that's right! You didn't even eat those snacks I brought over!" Masanobu gave Wataru a bit of a look, "This guy here definitely needs to eat something."

Wataru glared, "No, really, I'm fi--"

His stomach gurgled loudly, echoing throughout the elevator shaft, he hung his head in defeat.

"…I haven't eaten since yesterday… _early_ yesterday, unless you count drinking."

Kazuki's eyes went wide, "Don't tell me you were trying to diet again? Really Wataru…" He put his arm around him protectively, naturally, until Wataru shoved it off after a moment.

"Don't think you're off the hook! I still don't completely believe you!"

Kazuki let the arm drop, it had felt so natural, falling into step, he had almost forgot the reasons for this visit. This wasn't a happy occasion at all.

"Huh?" Wataru looked at the door as Kazuki opened it for him, "I said we only have two bedrooms and one couch. I can hardly kick Mizuho out of her own room, and I'm not letting you share beds with _him_, so you'll bunk with me. It makes the most sense, really."

Wataru blushed, "But… but people are here… and besides you were the one to dump _me_, now you want to be clingy?"

"I'm telling you, I didn't dump you! And so what if I'm being clingy? Wataru, I love you."

Hearing that, Wataru's whole face shifted, his eyes wobbled as his lips fought between rising into a smile and frowning, he looked just about ready to burst into a hysterical fit of tears.

Kazuki snagged Wataru's hand laced his fingers between them. "I _love_ you, Wataru."

All he could do from shouting out his own surrender and complete defeat was the same thing controlling him from throwing his arms around Kazuki to crush him to his body, the door opening.

"I… I love you too." Wataru bowed his head down, deflated from his earlier spat. "But I still expect answers."

"Of course, of course. Mizuho-san, are you here still?" Kazuki entered the kitchen then knocked on her door to her bedroom. Entering the private domain slowly, he spotted her. "Mizuho-san, I need you to come clean. Tell him about what you did, if you ever really loved me, you'll do that much."

The woman slowly left her room, groggy from her medication regiment, "Oh fine, be stingy like that!" She reached into her panty drawer, where she knew full well Kazuki would never had snooped, and pulled out the letter.

"My letter?" Kazuki looked at it, seeing his handwriting before looking at Wataru.

"…I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble, I switched out the letters because I couldn't accept his feelings for you." She looked at Wataru, for a moment completely taken aback at the boy's inherent ephemeral beauty. "Oh goodness, I see what you mean… he really doesn't take away from your manhood…" She approached him, touching the stunned brunette's face, locking eyes with those beautiful blue pools and fair skin that almost matched her own. He had a feminine beauty to him that could put some women to shame, and that natural complexion!

"Mizuho, could you stop touching him and finish the explanation properly?" Kazuki cued.

"Oh, right, I'm sorry." She bowed her head, "But you have to understand how deeply I've loved Yuichi. And finding out that he'd prefer a… _man_…" The distaste was obvious even with Kazuki's hemming, "but he's right. What I did was a dirty trick and unfair to both parties. Please forgive me." She put the letter into Wataru's hand. "I believe this belongs to you."

Spotting the familiar paper in Wataru's pocket, she grabbed it, pulling it free, "And this belongs to me."

Gaping, Wataru looked back and forth from Kazuki to Mizuho, then back, as he was about to open the letter, Kazuki snatched it. "Ah, maybe now isn't the time to read it. Let's wait until after lunch, I made reservations, my treat. After all, this mishap really is more of an inconvenience for _you_. I just lucked out and got a surprise visit from my boyfriend."

To Be Continued.


	4. The Taste of an Empty Mouth, part 4

The Taste of an Empty Mouth

Wataru stared owlishly inside the dark bistro Yuichi had pulled them into.

"What is this place…?"

Smiling he commented, "We're in Little Italy, this is Magnolia Street, the best place for Italian cuisine on this side of the globe."

"Is this expensive?" Wataru kept glancing up and down, he felt as if they were staring at them, all these foreigners… oh wait, no, _he_ was the foreigner. Was that why he felt so out of place?

"Not really, don't worry about it, get what you want to eat. It's really good food."

Masanobu smiled, slinging his arm around Wataru, which finally riled a reaction from the brunette as he jumped. "Masanobu! What do you think you're doing?"

Yuichi's eyes narrowed. Oh he had an idea of what that interloper was doing, he just didn't like the idea of it. Everything about him pissed Kazuki off, the familiar touches, the way he slung his arm around Wataru to flirt, the way his boyfriend didn't get mad enough to punch him… what was worse, the least he could do would be to put up with Masanobu and treat him, as his guest. After all, he did fly Wataru there, if he hadn't…

Kazuki knew it wouldn't have been impossible for Masanobu to have seduced a drunken Wataru into bed and possibly convince him to be his lover, in heart-break thinking that Kazuki had left him. Rebounds weren't uncommon after all.

That was what he found the strangest, the older man wasn't playing dirty, he was following every rule he could in order to win over Wataru, he couldn't ever risk that happening! He loved Wataru too much to let the other go out of his life, and Mizuho had almost wrecked everything for him…

At least the blessing in disguise showed that Wataru was so hurt that he naturally sought him out, that much made him feel loved, though it did hurt to see those betrayed blue eyes land on him. Kazuki silently vowed to make up for that hurt, in any way he could to Wataru.

Wataru looked at the Romanized alphabet, his head spinning at the strange words before him, this wasn't even in English?! What the hell, how was he supposed to even try to understand this… this… pollo? And zuppe? English was hard enough but now, this? He put the menu down and hung his head in defeat, he could tell below that it did say the ingredients, he at least recognized the word tomato, though what a Roma tomato was, for the life of him he had no idea.

"Kazuki, I don't understand a word of this."

Looking at the baffled Wataru, Kazuki smiled softly, "Well, I can tell you about anything that looks good… what do you want, do you want some pasta, or a meat-dish? Chicken, steak, pork, shrimp, fried squid or clams? Or there's raviolis, that's a shell of pasta stuffed with cheese with sauce on top, or penne ala vodka that's noodles with a tomato-vodka sauce. They have pasta fazoli, which you don't want at all, it has onions in it."

Wataru's head was spinning, trying to sort out the strange foods, "Uh, clams?"

"They have a pasta-dish with a white-wine sauce and seafood, it isn't very spicy, but it's good. And there aren't onions in it." He couldn't help but be amused by how much Wataru hated onions.

Wataru nodded, "Alright… what's it called?"

Kazuki smiled at Wataru, really doubting he'd get the pronunciation, "Linguini with White Clam Sauce."

"Rin… Ringua… what?"

"It's this one here." Kazuki pointed to the seventh line down on the second page of the menu.

Wataru looked down, "Oh."

"Do you want a bottled water, coffee or soda?"

Holding his head, Wataru felt completely lost amid the sea of background gibberish. His hangover remedy now wearing off and strange characters lit up as neon signs like 'Lite Beer' was catching his attention more than the waiter droning on at them in some strange dialect English.

Kazuki waved his hand in front of Wataru's face trying to catch his attention. "Wataru… _Wataru_ are you listening to me?"

Wataru's washed out features made Kazuki nervous, he looked ready to collapse, "Can you bring over an extra-sweetened Italian Soda--immediately, I think he's going to faint otherwise. You can come back to get the rest of our orders afterwards."

Nodding his understanding, the Italian-American waiter left to approach the counter, filling the request. Within the minute he returned, drink in hand.

Wataru shook his head out of his reverie as he spotted a bright red fizzing soda before him in a large glass, ice and straw adorning it.

"Drink up, I think you'll like it. After lunch you can get a gelato or a pastry, they have a lot of really good ones here, canolis, napoleons, tiramisus, all of them are really sweet too."

Unsure of whether he should try to make sense of the words or just show his open confusion, Wataru decided to take a sip of the soda laid before him. He was taken aback by the sudden sweetness inside the drink, unlike ramune or even colas, the fruity flavor was as powerful as a sparkling fruit-punch. It seemed to do the trick to bringing him back as his headache subsided or at least quieted, the room spinning slightly less.

"Thanks… I needed that." He muttered, a bit sheepishly.

"Don't mention it, it's the least I could do." Kazuki took hold of Wataru's hand in his, despite the eyes anyone would throw their way, as long as he could convince Wataru of his true feelings, he'd be happy to put on this show for them. It struck him how very few eyes there were, despite the public display of affection, but then again, it is America, and New York City to beat all, even between two men this must seem like a daily occurrence he surmised.

"Would you like to place the order for the rest of your drinks? Or are you ready to order your entrées as well?" The waiter asked, not minding the hand-holding at all.

Masanobu started, "I'll have a bottled-water and for entrée the clam casino. My friend here will have--"

"Linguine with White Clam Sauce, for Wataru," Kazuki nodded his head toward Wataru, signaling him, "and for myself a coke to drink and the penne ala vodka for myself. When should it be ready?"

"It should be ready in another twenty minutes."

"Thank you." Kazuki locked eyes with Wataru again, giving a sideway glance to acknowledge Masanobu as still being there, "Wataru," Kazuki faltered for a moment not sure how to word his concerns, and there were so many of them: Wataru's insecurities, confirmation of their mutual feelings, to apologize for the hurt Wataru went through, for not being able to call, for Masanobu being opportunistic as well as Mizuho for that matter, not to mention the plans for the future, his exam scores, asking him to move in and move forward with him, really with so much where could he possibly begin? "I love you, you're my world, just say the word and I'll fly back with you."

"…And leave Mizuho behind?" Wataru asked.

"Well, I don't think she's up to air-travel just yet, so yes." Kazuki smiled until Wataru wilted, pulling at his own wrist.

"That doesn't sound very like you, to just walk away especially after you decided to extend your stay for her sake in the first place." Wataru looked down, "Am I in the way or something, being here? Is that what you mean? That I wasn't supposed to see this…?" He covered his eyes, "You aren't really having an affair, are you?"

Kazuki's eyes went wide, "Of course I would never do such a thing! Wataru you have to trust me, I'd never hurt you intentionally like this, any of this! I stayed behind because she needed me, yes, but not as some man-whore. Give me a bit more credit than that."

"A good man-whore?" Masanobu chimed, he sipped his water uncaring to the daggers shooting from Kazuki's eyes at him.

"She doesn't _really_ need me here anymore, and after what she pulled I don't think I want to stay around. Please Wataru, you have to believe me when I say you're the only one for me."

"…It… just never made any sense, every time you say it, that same rudimentary flaw appears. Me. I'm the rudimentary flaw, I'm not popular, or smart, or handsome, or even very athletic, to boot I'm a younger _man_, yet you fell for me? I mean, come on! We hardly have an equal relationship… you don't even let me call you Yuichi! You mock me and then spoil me, it's like I'm just a game to you and with everything that's happened… I just wish I could hate you but I can't… I really must be an idiot. I don't even regret giving up a normal life with the prospect of starting a family to be with you, but you- you're worth so much more than …this… me." Wataru's eyes stung as beads of water welled in the corners.

Wataru looked down, hard, into his lap. He could feel his fingers and hands shaking, quivering even.

"What's worse is, I even expect my parents to kick me out if they found out I was gay, but at least Karin and Kawamura except me, our relationship. Touko doesn't really accept me but accepts if you act more manly, your brother might as well hate me, and your parents… if they ever found out you think they'd even give Mizuho a second glance as far as bad-decisions go? All of this… I mean, I should have just accepted it when you dumped me… but…"

"I _NEVER_ dumped you!" Kazuki cut in, "Wataru, I love you! I don't care about any of that… none of it matters to me as much as you do."

"Well don't you think I _DO_ care? Particularly because you can't be bothered with it; I swear, you can be so insensitive at times!"

Kazuki pulled Wataru into his lips, his fingers raking through his hair, managing to turn even a few seasoned heads at the display. He released Wataru's lips when he started to return the kiss slightly.

"I- I can't believe you did that, we're in a public restaurant, Kazuki." Wataru looked around, his blush moving past his ears he felt so embarrassed.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?" Wataru blinked, not sure what Kazuki was getting at.

"No, it's not Kazuki. You're right, I should have just told you to start calling me Yuichi, but I thought you'd just start on your own. I didn't want to pressure you into feeling closer with me than you were comfortable with at the time. Believe me, in my dreams, you aren't calling out _Kazuki_ when we make love." He gave Masanobu a look that told him not to dare imagine any of this. "But, I've decided I want to be greedier than that. Wataru I want you, all of you, all to myself and I sure as hell don't want to share you with him! I want to be all to yourself too. I want you to monopolize me, if I have to buy you cars, plane tickets, clothes, computers, anything to make you want to just be mine I'd have done it already. I know you aren't cheap though, simple tricks like taking you out to dinner won't buy your heart because you're not that kind of person. That's something I love about you, but it doesn't mean I don't want to take care of the person I love. Isn't that natural, in any relationship?"

"I guess… …yeah, it is." Wataru looked down then back at Yuichi.

Masanobu excused himself to use the bathroom, not feeling comfortable with the comparison of trying to buy his way into Wataru's pants or heart.

"Do you want to know why I sent the ring back to you? The _real_ reason I did?" Yuichi gazed strongly into Wataru's eyes.

"…Yes."

"I wanted to exchange new rings with you, ones with a meaning so much more than just getting something we gave up on back. I want to buy rings for each other to symbolize the future we'll have together, and I don't mean silver rings. I mean this as a proposition. I want you to move in with me. I want to start a real life together. I needed some time to figure out how to word it, and to give you time to prepare so I sent a letter. True, I wanted to be there to see your reaction but I thought it would be unfair to spring something like that on you. Wataru, say something…"

"…Something…" Wataru blinked, absorbing all of these feelings being flung at him so openly and honestly.

Yuichi smiled, "So glad to see your sense of humor still intact." He petted Wataru's cheek intimately, like he had done so many times after making love with Wataru until the time Wataru would collapse in fatigue.

Seeming to catch on to that, Wataru couldn't help but whisper, "Pervert…" before blushing vividly. "I… got into the Science Department at T-U. I… was really surprised that I pulled it off, I mean, really surprised. I'm not smart or anything so it was pretty much a complete miracle. According to the results, I didn't even get wait-listed."

"That's fantastic! I knew you could do it Wataru! Congratulations!" Yuichi beamed.

"Well, you sacrificed so much when you were studying, I had to give it my all too, fair is fair."

"Then Wataru, what do you say? Will you move in with me?"

Wataru looked down then back to Yuichi, "Yes. I… really would like that. Yuichi, I love you."

"I know, I love you too."

Just as the plates were delivered and Masanobu returned, Wataru was about to take a bite when his phone began to ring.

"…It's Karin…" He saw upon his caller ID, "I told her I was going camping, she should know I wouldn't have service…"

"I… um, should mention that I called her, when I found out that you were flying here with Masanobu."

"You WHAT?!" Wataru put his hand over his face, groaning, "She's going to kill me." He answered the phone, immediately pulling it from his ear as she began to rant- loudly- through the receiver.

"Wataru, I can't _BELIEVE_ you'd do something so stupid! And you lied to me! What would have happened if you got hurt?! No one would have known where you were! When you get back here so help me I think I might just…"

"Karin, Karin calm down! What's this about? You didn't tell mom and dad, did you?"

"Of course not, what do you think I am, an idiot? But you _owe_ me for this, oh, right… the roaming charge is going to be murder so I'll get right to the point. Did you two make up yet?"

"…We're working on that right now, actually."

"Alright. Then I'll let you go, but you are so dead when you get home!"

Wataru swallowed hard, "Yes ma'am… bye Karin…"

"And get me a souvenir! Bye Wataru-nii!"

The phone disconnected, Wataru letting out a sigh before rubbing his head, his headache returning slightly. Taking out his frustrations upon his head, and the table, he dropped his head into the table causing a reverberating thud before picking his head back up. He took up his fork and spoon and tried to remember how to eat pasta with the utensils.

"I'm sorry…" Yuichi mentioned, looking at Wataru's dismayed face.

"Oh don't worry, you'll help make up for it, too." Wataru disliked sounding so underhanded, but he was going to require the master's touch for finding a good souvenir for Karin. Maybe a designer purse? This was going to be financially crippling.

TBC.


End file.
